Saturday, November 26, 2011

Thanksgiving Vision

"I may see angels but I am far from being one." - Ken Sheetz

Two weeks ago, on the magical binary date of 11.11.11, I co-hosted a beautiful event about the ascension with a star-studded evening of speculation about ETs role in the Shift I'd been guided to create by a God-like voice 18 months ago in Italy. The masterful ceremonies and workshops had been created to perfection by the amazing multi-talented co-host Laura De León of MyMysticMuse. You see, sadly I was not very "present", to put it mildly, for my own event.

I've been pondering for the entire time since, wishing I could have enjoyed something so beautiful that I'd help create, all stemming from an angelic vision I had in Italy for a gentle 2012. The 11.11.11 event is possibly the most beautiful thing I've ever been a part of bringing into this world. So why had I been so hard on myself and hard for Laura and others on the team to be around me that day and the weeks leading up to the big day? Why was Laura's singing her amazing Babaji song with Philippo Franchini one of the few moments I truly enjoyed on 11.11.11? Exhaustion? No. This was more than simple exhaustion. The excuse I tried to hide behind post 11.11.11.

I took a break from pondering my failure to enjoy 11.11.11 to ponder the parallels of family dynamics in why I'd not enjoyed Thanksgiving this year. I was traveling from my Vegas Thanksgiving, back home the way I'd been doing in these tough times for two years now, by a Greyhound Bus. The Friday 10 AM bus back to LA was 5 minutes late without any Greyhound announcements so I calmly asked one of the bus terminal attendants, "What's the delay?"

The Greyhound attendant smirked at me and said in a thick Asian accent, "Buddy, you better learn something. This is Greyhound! Bus gets here when bus gets here!" 

The people in line laughed at my expecting decent service for what is not that much less than a Southwest Airline fare. A sweet little Black lady, with a white fur hat that made her look like a stylized rabbit out of Alice in Wonderland, turned to me from ahead in line and said, "Public transportation, mister. Gotta expect this kinda thing." 

I reminded her, like it was my duty as a remnant from a long gone, more caring America, "Greyhound's not public except for treating customers like a public toilet." Rather than laughter as I expected, people in line reacted in silence as though I was rocking the boat. "What boat? It's a bus, you bunch of sheep!" I raged inwardly as I dug into my knapsack, grabbed the Thanksgiving leftovers Mom had made for the bus ride back to LA, the land of dreams, and thought back on my Vegas 2011 Thanksgiving, having a picnic in the terminal. 

The trip got off to a rocky start in this very bus station on the way in to Vegas on Wednesday. My stepfather Nick, a fiery tempered Sicilian who holds grudges like a character who stepped right out of Mario Puzo novel (first suspect, please, if I am ever murdered) kept me waiting at the Greyhound terminal for half an hour. A half an hour where I'd learn the Greyhound terminal front door is a den of prostitution. Unable to see through the dark tinted terminal front doors I was forced to stand with my backpack full of Mac gear, stranded, like a Thanksgiving turkey ready to be plucked by pimps and thugs who kept giving me the hairy eyeball. 

Finally, after what seemed hours, Nick and my Mom's car arrived. I quickly tossed my bags and myself into the backseat. No apologies for running late from Nick, of course. The crabby 83 year-old-man sat stoic and uncaring at the wheel. -- Not unexpected. Nick's not spoken to me much in three years since I read him the riot act over his outlandish claim I was trying to kill my mother by adjusting the condo temp by one degree downwards. Most I'd hear from Nick on the entire visit was his yelling at my 82-year-old mother to "Shut the hell up!" when she screamed after he almost rear-ended a car. A retired as a prison guard, Nick's belligerent treatment of my Mom like a prisoner he was keeping in check gave me heartburn and I had a coughing fit. 

Mom asked if I was sick and I told her, "Nick yelling at you is the only thing making me sick. Well, that and being let stranded for half an hour as I watched other arriving passengers all picked up within the first five minutes." Getting pissed at me snapped Nick out of his tirade at Mom and back to silence. Old training as kid from how I'd take the heat for Mom to save her from my real dad, who passed early this year. Now, I managed a tense front seat to backseat chat where I filled Mom in on a few things in my life. We've never talked about the angels and ETs working for the cause of the Shift I see in meditations. And didn't now. I guess I'd think she'd feel I've gone off my rocker. Why worry her? She has no concept of what a blog is or how to work a computer and has seen nothing of my writing. 
Soon we arrived at the small one bedroom condo Mom has carved into a pretty home. She said to me timidly, not her style, "Hungry, Ken? We already ate, not knowing when you'd really get here on the bus." 

I played along, even though it was only 5:30 PM, and ate alone at the kitchen counter while Mom filled in my brother Fred, who had manned the condo during my pickup from Greyhound. Which was odd. Fred usually came to greet me. "Ken's goin' to Mexico for a film shoot next month, Fred," Mom chirped. 

Fred puffed on cigarette and grunted, "Beats gardening I bet, eh, Ken?" Fred knew from our weekly phone talks we both enjoy that I'd made a deal for social media barter where I was living at a gorgeous resort called BushWillows north of LA. But the wonderful owners instead wanted gardening help which they needed more. Now here was my brother, making fun of my doing manual labor to keep a roof over my head in the worst recession ever. 

How it stung me to the soul. What happened to my sweet "over the phone" brother I wondered looking at the grouchy Fred? Had four days with Nick poisoned his aura I wondered? 

Mom sensed the tension with Fred and chimed in, "I bet you're learning lotsa gardening stuff. Right, Ken?" "Yep." I answered meaning it, biting into Mom's steak that was like rubber. "After Mexico Ken's filming in Hawaii first two months of the year, Fred."

I could see Fred was puzzled so much good fortune had popped up since we spoke only a few days earlier. Now that the 11.11.11 event of 15 hours days of work for 3 solid months without pay was over and I could refocus my energy. I was beginning to feel some of the old fire that had made me a millionaire in the past. Fred didn't like me much when I was millionaire who's most famous project was building Oprah's Harpo Studios. He seemed shocked I might not be doing gardening much longer to pay a room while I co-created 11.11.11. 

"Lousy economy might finally be lifting." I muttered into my meal. Soon as I finished my solo dinner and complimented Mom, despite how god awful the steak was, Nick put on his coat. Mom and Fred quickly followed his lead. "I just got here. Where's everyone going?" I groused. 

"Casino, " Fred grinned as I steamed, "Relax. Mom and Nick did the same thing to me when I got here: Quick meal then off to the slots!"

So without even a chance to rest or a catch-up on life, besides the brief car talk with Mom from the backseat, I was soon in Nick's car again and heading for the Orleans, a locals casino my mother and Nick frequent often for the loose Keno slots. Nick complained to my Mom as he cruised the Orleans multi-leveled lot for a parking spot, "Handicapped spots all gone getting here so late."

I let the dig pass, as I let so much pass with Nick. For a comedy writer when I am not helping angels manifest a gentle 2012, this man is a gold mine for material. We parked not very far from the door despite my "late" arrival. I climbed from the backseat of the car, dreading the casino, already sorry I'd come. I limped for the casino, having slightly pulled both hamstrings hauling wheelbarrows full of compost early in the week at the gardens.

Sure enough, soon I found myself in the smokey noisy as hell confines of the Orleans casino, surrounded by drunken gamblers and haggard locals. Fred plopped himself on a Keno machine beside Mom and lit up. Mom's 82 but going strong and she was ready for action, silent Nick her bodyguard. It was almost as though I ceased to exist. I tried to make conversation, but the casino noise that keeps people hypnotized with noisy beeps and bloops and smoke won.

So I excused myself and limped my way to my old Vegas escape pod, the movies. We all agreed, Nick in silence of course, to meet back at the Keno spot midnight when the gambling ordeal had hopefully reached an end. I say "hopefully" because there have been nights when Mom or Fred or Nick get on a winning streak where they all stay out to 3 or 4 AM and I'd end up taking a taxi back to condo myself I saw two movies back to back to kill time and lose myself.

ARTHUR'S CHRISTMAS, an instant classic 4 stars out of 5 and HAPPY FEET TWO, a doh doh bird of a penguin flick, 1 star. But I fell asleep so don't take my word on the penguins if you enjoy hearing Robin Williams do a bad Spanish accent.

Midnight, when I got back to the Keno machines Mom and Fred were fighting about, of all things, meatballs sandwiches. I was relieved. The meatball fight meant they'd lost at Keno and so we'd be going home at a decent hour. Fred was craving a Subway meatball treat and would not be swayed. Mom who had won a little that week offered him $5 from her pot. Fred sniped, "I have a paying job," he said looking at me who has not had a paying job since college but who usually does very well despite that fact in normal economy, "I pay for my own meatballs. And when I win I buy for everybody."

On the way to the car, while Fred got his beloved meatball sandwich, Mom worried to me, "Fred's been in a bad mood all week." I took a look a Nick and thought, "Who wouldn't be with that sourpuss around?" feeling compassion for my beloved brother and more for Mom who was living with this grumpy diabetic every day.

But then, surprisingly, my heart began to open for my fellow grouch Nick. At Souldrama in Italy I learned it's what bothers you most in others that you are bothered most about in yourself. I saw the grouch I was around the loving dream team that had come together from 11.11.11. And here was Nick, in the bosom of a family that loved him, driving wedges between us all and himself. I saw the little boy Nick was who lived as an orphan on the streets of Milwaukee. No one to love him. And then I saw myself as an abused child who never knew what a happy family life was, wrecking the happiness all around me because I did not know how to handle joy on 11.11.11. And I finally forgave Nick for his junk and me for mine.

I was so deep in thought about my brother grouch Nick that barely remember getting back to Nick and Mom's condo after the casino. Fred ate his meatballs making a big deal of it to tease Mom, Nick pulled out the sleeper sofa. Mom and I made up my bed which I quickly collapsed into. Despite the rough first day in Vegas I was still looking forward to tomorrow. I'd come to Vegas almost every year for 25 years for mom's Thanksgiving cooking. She makes a great bird. Mom announced to Fred and me as the lights went out, "Night, boys. I'll getting up to start the turkey cooking at 8AM."

The night passed with fits of sleep as Fred snored loud enough to wake me. As I tried about 3 Am to get back to sleep I had a vision that was fresh and pure as I saw all the many sacred sites I'd mediated at since 10/10/10 ignite with bright white sparks across the globe, Vegas included where I saw the Luxor casino erupt, spewing energy to the DreamShield surrounding the planet. I saw it matched by energy flares from the real pyramids. The dazzling clean and pure vision surprised me to full consciousness. "Why was a grump like me allowed to see such angelic glory?" I thought weeping into my pillow.

I'd thought, or perhaps even hoped, that since DreamShield's missions were on prime binary dates, that somehow after 11.11.11 my vision powers might end and life could return to normal. Whatever normal is in these crazy times with innocent people getting beaten down in the Occupy movements. I'd not talk about the visions with anyone next morning on Thanksgiving.

At 8AM as promised, Mom emerged from her bedroom, trusty flashlight in hand because the drapes were all closed. I peeked open an eye to watch her tip toe past as she swung the bright LED flashlight when suddenly she tumbled to the floor! I bolted from the sleeper sofa and helped her up. Mom pointed the flashlight down at a cushion. "Twisted my back. How the hell did that get down there in my way?" We both looked over at snoring Fred, who must have peed ten times during the night and knocked over the cushion at some point. Mom softly giggled and squeezed my hand saying, "Go back to sleep, Ken. I'm OK, "and she, putting the cushion out the way, went about starting the bird cooking.

Thanksgiving was here at last. The trusty old folding card table of 25 years of Vegas Thanksgivings came out as the Packer's trounced Detroit on the old tube style TV. Soon the moment I'd suffered an 8 hour Greyhound trip and put up with the casino was here. The bird was perfection. Mom's stuffing was great. All was heaven at last except for one thing that was missing: Mom. She was still in the kitchen cleaning up and missing the whole meal.

Then Fred did something that rattled my ego. As Nick came to the table Fred slid the chair for him. He even adjusted Nick's gravy bowl to give more table space for Nick. And all my spirituality from the night before vanished. I was angry at Fred's deference to this guy who made my visits to my mother such a hell. Then Nick and Fred just dug in and started chowing down without waiting for Mom.

"Mom, I came all the way here to see you and have turkey," I shouted to mom cleaning up the kitchen like a mad woman. "Yeah, come and eat, Mom, " Fred chimed in, mouth full of turkey. One possible answer to this mystery would come this morning as Deb, the BushWillows owner where I am staying observed about Mom's odd behavior in her crisp South African accent as I dumped off a fresh load of compost, "Might be your Mum was cleaning up so could get out of the house right after the turkey and resume gambling."

Had my mother's passion for gambling, some would say addiction, now eclipsed her time for dinner? Who knows? When she finally sat down when were all nearly done with her feast I tried to grab a picture of her only to be shouted at, "Don't take my picture with my mouth full!"

My brother chimed in, "He did the same shit to me."

I spun to Fred, camera in hand, "Shit? You call me taking your picture shit?!"

Mom sighed, "Boys, it's Thanksgiving. No fighting."

But I was furious and had to leave the table. I'd wanted to share my adventures surviving in Hollywood over the past year, my adventures in social media, my spirit project. And here I was fighting at the dinner table with my 58-year-old brother like we were kids as Nick shot my Mother a, "See?" look of satisfaction.

Later, I apologized to Fred and hugged him about the shoulders. He shared he'd been not having a good time this trip. Mom and he had been fighting the whole time for reasons he really could not put into words.

Soon as the second NFL game ended it was off to the Orleans casino again and the family disconnect. I saw two more movies, HUGO, one star for having a boring plot and bad child acting, and THE MUPPETS, of which I give zero stars and could barely keep my turkey down through.

Friday morning the alarm had been set for 8AM to get me to the station by 10AM but once Nick started to dress he could not slow down and I found myself on the way to the horrible station far too early. Mom tired to sit in the back seat with me but Nick would have none of that. He barked at my mother like she was a convict to be disciplined, "Get in front with me so you don't have to jump out at the bus station!"

I patted Mom on the shoulder from the backseat as Nick sped for the station and she held my hand. Arriving 15 feet from the curb Nick parked in the middle of traffic. I came to the window and kissed Mom good-bye. She grabbed my hand as Nick raced the car off, until Mom's soft fingers pulled away from mine.

As I finally shuffled my way onto the hour late bus I was an hour early for the Asian Greyhound attendant kidded to the ticket taker. "Don't let this guy. Troublemaker. Probably drunk."

I agreed, drunk on family rage and rage with myself for not ascending as Laura De Leon had so brilliantly realized was the mission of 11.11.11. No ascension for me, I was still in my ego and not in my heart. But as I have written to Laura, when she sang like an angel in 11.11.11, something did shift in me. A small spark deep in my heart. The fact I can even write so clearly of my painful thanksgiving and feel compassion for Mom, for Fred, for me, even for Nick and his little inner boy from the Great Depression, gives me hope Laura's spark is growing and that I am ascending and so is the world.

Long as the visions keep coming I promise do my humble best continue to report the angels work to you. If you like my reporting please visit here to donate to my Spirit Reporter project to help me help with the work of manifesting a gentle 2012. Thanks, Ken Sheetz.

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