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The Ten Commandments

It's another rainy day in LA today, but not in the typical LA way. It's more like the rainy weather back home in the Midwest.  Rain with lighting.  We don't get that much of that here.  Mudslides and flooding abound. All we need is an earthquake, like my roomie Kim said today.

Before the rains came this week Kim Griego and I made a climb to the top of Griffith Park.  She'd never been and I was her guide.  Stories in this video about a toxic waste dump I climbed by mistake once, God, I'm bright, and my bad imitation of the Governator.



And on the way down from the mountain I got a bit Moses with the Ten Commandments of Hollywood, which have gotten me nowhere so far in Hollywood so please use with caution.

My Poor Rich Uncle

I was surfing YouTube on this rainy day, where I can't seem to focus on work, when I was struck like a freight train by a Joni Mitchell song that reminds me of my obligations to my best backer, my Uncle Jim.



Sadly, my formerly rich Uncle is suffering economically for his backing me in Hollywood. He stretched his money too far based on the false confidence I enjoyed a few years back. I feel like a total shit for not realizing how hard Hollywood would be to crack for what it's done to Uncle Jim's life.

What's my floundering for 3 years longer in the Hollywood maze than I imagined it would take done to my retired uncle's life? Try no medical insurance, no personal life and no savings.

But in fairness to Jim's poor judgment and my false sense of confidence that took him down this rabbit hole with me to poverty, for my whole life Jim's watched me go from one huge success to another. I've built world headquarters for Target Stores and Oprah Winfrey (that's me far right next the queen of entertainment herself), negotiated over 1 billion worth of real estate and developed a 38 story skyscraper.

So how could he, or me for that matter, have known that Hollywood would be so fucking tough; that I'd struggle for 7 long hard years without a narrative feature film to my credit?

Sure Kids Talk Politics and Discover Me! have been great docs with lots of critical acclaim that I'm proud of.  But they've not been the kind money makers needed to repay Jim and my other backers.

My Uncle Jim is only 12 years older than me so he's more of a big brother figure in my life.  If karma means a thing I will succeed just so that Jim succeeds. Jim's a good man he deserves to be rich for what he's done to help me with the climb in Hollywood.

And unlike Joni's character in the song I won't leave Uncle Jim by the side of the road.

Oh, BTW, my brother Fred think our mutual Uncle Jim is not hurting as bad as he claims and is guilt tripping me. Seems like Jim is genuine to me but I'm too close to the situation and in some twisted way I like the pressure of life or death family drama. Spurs my horse onwards and upwards.

But time after time when Uncle Jim complains to me and wonders when he'll be repaid at long last, one of my buddy investors' words keep coming back to haunt me, "Never take money from family, Sheetz. It always ends in tears."

Sage advice.

I'd Rather be Lucky than Smart

GILLEY AND KIM MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A KID AGAIN

It was winter 1960, I was 7 years old and my little brother Fred was starting kindergarten.  Fred was kind of small.  One night, over tears, Fred confessed to me that a group of bullies had been picking on him every day at school.

Next day on the St. Francis grade school playground I watched from the shadows behind a red brick wall as the biggest bully, Tommy, approached and casually punched Fred in the stomach.

"I told you no playing on our playground!"

"It's not your playground." I said nervously stepping from the shadows, snow crunching under my rubber boots.

Now when you're in 2nd grade your size advantage of kindergartners is dramatic, but Tommy was almost big as me and he had a gang of 6 nasty little kids to back him up.  So Tommy blustered, "Who the heck are you?"

"I'm Fred's big brother.  Leave him alone."

"Get 'em!" Tommy shouted as he dove on Fred.

Tommy's gang of six little thugs ran for me like a pack of obedient dogs.  But winter gave me an unexpected advantage; I pushed over the lead kid and the slippery ice tripped them up and darned if they didn't all fall down like dominos!

Tommy gulped, held up in mid swing at my brother upon seeing me "knock" his whole gang over, and ran off in terror.

"Wowie!  Thanks, big brother!" Fred cheered as I helped him to his feet.  Then both of us could not stop laughing out of relief until the end of recess bell rang.

Great thing is those mean kids never bothered Fred again.  In fact, no kid ever bothered us at that school, me or him again.  There are few moments in my life I've felt prouder or luckier, until now... 

... now that Gilley and Kim, are my new roomies in Hollywood.  They are flat out the nicest pair of people I've ever met.  One of my clients who shall go anonymous is 45 days late on paying their freaking bill.  Yeah, if was still living in my Agoura Hills apartment I'd be out on my ass again as I'm now 45 days behind on the rent.

Instead I'm cared for, respected, covered by Gilley and Kim.  I even offered to leave Hollywood to go home to wait out this recession, when my investors who usually back me get healthy again, but Kim and Gilley would hear nothing of it.

On top of all that Kim Griego is a total joy to work with on the BuzzBroz start-up, while Gilley is busy on the New Mexico working on the new Megan Fox/Mickey Rourke/Bill Murray film PASSION PLAY. 

Yeah, I've never felt prouder or luckier than since I was 7 years-old today than I feel today in my 7th year in Hollywood.  There's an old saying, "I'd rather be lucky than smart."  So true.  If I ever get an Oscar or Emmy these two are the first people I thank.

But meantime, I'll just be happy to get paid by my delinquent client so I can catch up on my share of the rent.

Elvis' 75th Birthday Salute

Many times I've wondered since his death: How many more Elvis songs would we have today had he not died so young? Elvis would have been 75 today. That's 8 years younger than my father who is still going strong.

About a year before my 7 Hollywood Odyssey began I wrote a musical science fiction comedy, ELVIS AND ARMAGEDDON.

E & A would rise to top ten popularity for 6 weeks straight out of thousands of scripts on Kevin Spacey's new website Triggerstreet.com and go onto being selected as a script of the month on TS.

If you follow this link you can read again ELVIS AND ARMAGEDDON, reloaded for the King's 75th. I hope it makes it to the movie screen before I hit my 75th. That might be a reasonable goal given how slow things happen in Hollywood.

And be sure to tune into my 7yrsinHollywood Blip.fm DJ station for my musical tribute to Rock 'N' Roll's greatest star.

Thank you for the inspiration, Elvis. Thank you very much.

THE DRIVE

Leave it to the media to give you cheery stories to brighten your holiday. More on that later.

THE DRIVE

By Ken Sheetz

EXT. RV FRONT OF HOUSE - DAY

An older couple, JACK and MARY, wave from the steps of an RV as happy members of Jack and Mary's huge family clap and cheer.

MARY
I think I left the stove on!

JACK'S OLDEST DAUGHTER
Go on you two. We can turn off a stove.

JACK
I don't know about that, daughter.

Everyone laughs as Jack's Oldest swats him along into the RV.

INT. RV (MOVING) - DAY

Jack and Mary switch radio stations on each other as the RV motors up I-4o.

JACK

Alone at last and we fight over the radio?

MARY

When's the last time we were alone
enough to fight over the radio?

JACK
I think Elton John was in diapers.

MARY
Diapers. Won't miss those.

JACK
Hang on!

Jack swings the RV onto the shoulder of the road.

MARY

Jack! You'll get us killed! What are you doing?

Jack brakes the RV to a halt in the emergency lane.

JACK
This.

Jack kisses Mary deeply.

Passing cars honk.

EXT. RV, CAMPSITE - GRAND CANYON- SUNSET

Jack makes a toast of a champagne glass to Mary before the magnificent Grand Canyon.

JACK

To 25 years of mostly wedded bliss.

Mary toasts a champagne glass to Jack's.

MARY

Stinker.

JACK

What? "Mostly" bother you?

MARY

Nope. We've been married 32 years.

JACK

I seem to recall the first 7 years we lived in sin,

babe.

MARY

In California living in sin is married.

Jack raises his champagne glass again.

JACK

To 32 years of mostly wedded bliss.

MARY

And great sex.

JACK

And lots more to come. Thanks Viagra!

Jack and Mary laugh and kiss as they toast. But as they pull

away from the happy kiss Jack notices tears well in Mary's eyes.

JACK

What's the matter, Mary?

MARY

Nothing.

JACK

So why the tears?

MARY

Oh... just so happy we finally

have this time to ourselves.

JACK

Six kids and eighteen grandkids.

MARY

And how many dogs?

JACK

Lost count.

Jack and Mary share a laugh.

MARY

Remember, Rusty?

JACK

Best hunting dog a man ever had,
the pain in the ass.

MARY

Rusty'd cry every time you went off

to work.

JACK

And you didn't?

Mary chuckles.

MARY

Too busy with the kids

for tears.

Mary dabs tears from her eyes with a paper napkin.

MARY

No trouble crying now. So happy.

JACK

Bull. What's wrong, Mary?

Be straight with me.

Mary fights back the tears.

MARY

Cancer.

JACK

Jesus. They catch it soon enough?

MARY

God I wish I went to the doctor like you

told me sooner.

JACK

I hate being right all the time.

Mary smiles between sobs.

JACK

How long?

MARY

Weeks.

Mary can't bear to look at Jack, whose eyes fill with tears.

JACK

Weeks... You're sure?

Mary tires to speak but only manages a tearful nod.

JACK

Damnit!

MARY

I'm sorry!

JACK

For what?! Getting cancer?!

MARY

For telling you like this!

Jack takes Mary into his arms and rocks her as she weeps.

JACK

Just look at that sunset.

MARY

I can't.

JACK

For me?

Mary slowly raises her head off Jack's shoulder.

MARY

So beautiful.

JACK

It's shit compared to your smile.

MARY

Oh, Jack. Why now? Why when

we finally have a life of our own?

JACK

I never try to figure crap like that out.

I should've been dead ten times over

in Vietnam. But I do know one thing...

MARY

What?

JACK

Life ain't nothing without you.

MARY

Not true.

JACK

(savagely)

I'll be the damn judge of what's true for me!

MARY

You have at least another 40 years.

JACK

Hell, Mary, without you I won't last 40 days.

MARY

Jack Kerrgian, there's not single thing I do for you, outside

the bedroom, that a good maid couldn't do and with
the right maid maybe even --

Jack flips over the camping table and runs for the cliffs.

MARY

Jack! No!

EXT. CLIFFSIDE, GRAND CANYON - SUNSET

Mary clings to Jack's legs as he struggles for the edge.

MARY

No, Jack!

JACK

Let me go, damnit!

MARY

No! We can't end like this!

JACK

Watch me!

MARY

No! You're no quitter, Jack!

JACK

I am for this. I ain't gonna watch

you die!

MARY

Oh. And am I supposed to sit here

and watch you jump?

Jack sinks to the dirt on his knees.

MARY

Our six kids and eighteen grandkids

need you, Jack.

JACK

You're the one the kids love.

MARY

Wrong. They all worship you

and you know it.

Jack is silent for a long beat.

JACK

That's not the same as love.

Mary stands and holds out a hand for Jack.

MARY

Half us in their lives is better than

none.

Jack takes Mary's hand.

EXT. FRONT OF HOUSE - DAY

Mary's hand becomes the hand of his daughter's in Jack's hand as she helps him from the black funeral limo.

All the family, dressed in funeral black, comfort Jack and welcome him with love and tenderness as he shakily enters his home and his new life without Mary.

THE END

I hope you enjoyed THE DRIVE which will hopefully soon be a short film. Many times when I read sad news stories I'm inspired to write something that turns out better than real life.

Here's the story on SPHERE that created the drive to write THE DRIVE.

Jumbled into all this story are all the experiences of my past amazing and heart warming two weeks in New Mexico with Gilley Grey and Kim Griego, my roomies and their wonderful families.